


Just Look at Him

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post War, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-22
Updated: 2010-06-07
Packaged: 2018-10-27 14:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10811124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: The war is over and the trio are exercising their freedom with friends, families and flourishing careers. Hermione is a lost soul, immersing herself in her work trying to forget a certain handsome wizard who has all the other witches falling at his feet. Harry is concerned and tries to convince her that something has got to give.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: This is my first Harry potter fan fic! I have posted it on a different fan fiction website under the user xxMionexx just in case anyone thought I was stealing it!!! Enjoy x  


* * *

The music was pumping hard and Hermione’s head was pounding with every drum stoke and every note. She glanced wearily over her surroundings, trying to find a familiar face. She had, after all, been convinced to come out after work by her friends- namely Harry and Ginny. They had said they were worried about her, said that she spent too much time ‘at work or worrying about work'. She frowned at this thought; she hated being considered a worrisome, nagging, bookworm and truly, after the war, she had let her hair down. She had joined in with all the celebration rituals, award ceremonies, birthdays and the rest of it, but now her career was flourishing and she couldn’t afford to take her eyes away from the prize- not when it was so within her grasp. 

  

Laws regarding werewolf rights had been passed, laws Hermione had drafted herself, laws that meant a different world for the next generation of werewolves and for Teddy. The wizarding world had mixed feeling about this, but many were supportive after hearing about Remus and his part in the war. Hermione had come forward with the Wolfsbane potion and the results it achieved, made it so that everyone knew that if it was used properly werewolves really posed little to no danger. She received praise, werewolves were no longer ashamed to walk the streets and purchase the ingredients for Wolfsbane, and Hermione was to thank for that. She had been on the cover of all the wizarding newspapers and publications and was penned as the ‘Most powerful Witch of all time’. The article had detailed every part she had to play in Voldemort's defeat; many said it wouldn’t have possible without her. It seemed she was receiving more attention than Harry these days, and he wasn’t ungrateful for this.

  

In fact, it was this that worried her friends, the constant attention from the press, the pressure on her to change the world and undo all the evil the once-corrupt ministry had spread. She felt it was possible; felt it was doable; she wanted to change the world. She had finished drafting her house elf treatment laws and it was positive that these would be passed.

  

“Hello... Hermione?” 

  

She frowned and blinked a few times, looking up into the twinkly green eyes of her best friend. “Oh...hi Harry,” she said, although he couldn’t hear her over the blaring music but lip read well enough to understand her.

  

He grinned. “Let’s go outside,” he yelled and pointed to the door.

  

She smiled gratefully at him and allowed him to tug her arm and direct her through the crowds of staring faces. They eventually made it outside the club where the street was fairly quiet, the door staff had retreated to the inner lobby and the only people outside were cigarette smokers or the odd night clubber leaving to go home early.

  

“You seemed deep in thought back there...” he began, looking at her with intense eyes. His best friend seemed isolated within herself these past few weeks, always working never socializing. 

  

“Yeah...I know...I was just...just thinking about what my life’s become you know?  I mean after the war it was sad and then it was happy, I mean Voldemort was gone...finally and everyone had their lives back...and I... I wasn’t bookish, boring Granger anymore... but Harry it can't be like that all the time....you know the law...this world...it needs updating...” She was speaking quickly and rambling, running out of breath she waited to hear what harry would make of her mumbo jumbo.

  

“After the war, you were carefree.  You had hope...you still wanted to change the world but you knew that there was more to life than that. After not knowing if we were gonna have a future...you learned to live for the day... You’re reverting back to your old ways now, which is fine...it's you...you’ll always be a bookworm, but where’s that hope gone?” He placed an arm around her as she contemplated his words.

  

What he was saying was true, she had been carefree, and now...well now there wasn’t reason to be. 

  

“I can make a difference when I’m at work...  no one’s missing out if I don’t get home for dinner... but my staff would miss out if I didn’t get to the office.” She was staring at the floor as she said this.

  

“Hey what do you mean? Ginny’s always moaning that you don’t get home early enough and how she misses having you around for dinner...”

  

“Really?”

  

“Yeah! Of course she does... we all miss you...Ginny’s your flatmate and she barely sees you, I see you even less than that and Ron... well...” His voice trailed off as he saw her flinch.

  

“Ron’s fine, Harry.”

  

His eyes widened. “He still misses you...and I know you miss him...listen I didn’t want to ask you this...but are you spending so much time are work to...to forget Ron?”

  

Her head shot around, her hair whipping him in the face “No!” she said, a little too fast. She tore her eyes away from his when she caught glance of his amused grin. “Yeah, ok maybe”

  

He was practically triumphant, “I knew it! I was just saying to Ginny that this is how you deal with stuff, you work more and become anti social...I mean more than usual”

  

She glared at him then, and he dropped his level of enthusiasm a few notches.

  

There was silence after that, both waiting for the other to speak.  It was Harry who surprisingly broke the silence. “Listen, I know you love him....you can’t avoid him...and the rest of us by working 16 hour shifts...tell him...”

  

The words struggled to leave her, she felt like something was lodged in her throat preventing her from speaking and she couldn’t face looking him in the eye. “It’s not that easy... I mean he was on the cover of that magazine...”

  

Harry let out an amused chortle. “Oh yeah ‘Playwitch Magazine’...So? What difference does that make?” His face was scrunched up and he looked at her blankly.

  

She dropped her gaze to the ground again. “It made all the difference...did you see it?” she practically whispered.

  

“Well, yeah, of course I saw it...George thought it was hilarious, he brought 10 copies and plastered them all around the burrow with a sticking charm. Thought he’d embarrass Ron, Molly and Arthur in one fell swoop!” He laughed, seemingly at the memory of it, causing Hermione to release her own giggle imagining the uncomfortable conversation around the dinner table that day at the burrow. His laughter died down and he looked at her again and whispered, “Did you see it?”

  

She blushed but decided that if there was anyone she could be honest with and depend on not to laugh at her, it was Harry. She nodded, bravely looking him in the eye. “I brought a few copies myself,” she admitted, appearing sheepish.

  

Harry smiled but said nothing except, “Oh”

  

“Oh, shut up, Harry!”

  

“I didn’t say anything!” he exclaimed, shrugging with exaggerated movement but his voice was laced with knowing amusement.

  

She began pacing then, shaking her head at herself, pausing to glare at Harry. “...But you’re thinking it! I know it’s pathetic but I couldn’t help it...he...he looked absolutely gorgeous! I mean when did he stop being skinny and awkward?”

  

“Auror training?” Harry suggested.

  

“Well, whatever it was it's done him the world of good, and God Harry it's terrifying! I mean I’m still the same bookish dragon I was in Hogwarts and Ron’s like this big, gorgeous hunk who...”

  

“Hunk?” He interjected.

  

She only responded to this interruption with a severe frown which made him gulp and he had the common sense to look apologetic and allow her to finish.

  

“...who has his choice from millions of girls...I mean I see them all the time hanging outside the ministry, flocks of them! These girls, they recognize me, Harry, and they ask me whether he’s single and I want to tell them that he’s very much involved with me and that they need to keep their horrible little claws off, but I can’t can I?”

  

He looked sadly at her, hearing her voice tremble. He shook his head. “No you can’t, but you could if you just told him how you feel”

  

She shook her head furiously. “No, no, Harry, because you know he deserves it...gorgeous girls who’ll give him all their time and love”

  

“You’re gorgeous too! No one could love him more than you do...”

  

She seemed fit to burst then and a look of disgust came over her face. “I do a terrible thing Harry, I feel awful for doing it too but I...I can’t help it....”

  

“What?” He was more than curious to know what.

  

“Well...” she began in a conspiratorial whisper. “These girls...some of them, they give me their floo ID’s to pass to Ron, they tell me to tell him to floo call them, anytime...and well I sort of accidentally, on purpose... lose them...” she said in a hurry.

  

Harry let out a bellowing laugh “Oh Hermione...” he said in a softer voice once he saw her inner torment. “I would probably do the same if it was Ginny, listen, Ron doesn’t go for girls like that anyway!”

  

“So he’s not seeing anyone then?”

  

Harry seemed to slump like a deflating balloon, he let out a troubled sigh. “Well...I...he...he...sort of...well...no...” he hesitated.

  

Hermione huffed, “I’m a big girl Harry.”

  

“Ok...well...he’s started seeing someone...she works in the Auror department, assistant to the trainer or something...nice girl...not a bimbo...”

  

“Oh GOD!” she practically shouted but then composed herself. “No...No, I expected this to happen...she probably saw that Playwitch cover and developed a crush on him!”

  

Harry shook his head. “No no, they knew each other as friends first, they get on...simple as that.”

  

She stared at him in wonder and spoke softly and slowly. “Are you trying to kill me Harry? Him going out with a bimbo is one thing, but it’s worse if he actually likes her for her personality!” She began to weep freely then, and Harry was left feeling baffled at the logic of the opposite sex. He awkwardly placed an arm around her.

  

“So...you’re upset because he’s with someone he genuinely likes and not just some bimbo who wants him for his body?”

  

“Exactly! Don’t you see?” she pleaded to him, wanting desperately for his male mind to comprehend her reasoning. “This has a chance of lasting...!”

  

Realization and understanding graced his face and Hermione was relieved that she had gotten through to him.

  

“Well what are you gonna do?”

  

She seemed stunned at the proposition. “Do? What can I do?!”

  

“Hermione, he’s going out with other girls because the woman he really wants spends all her time at work avoiding him!”

  

“Harry! Hermione!” 

  

They both turned to see Ron smiling happily and walking towards them from the club. 

  

“Hey Ron...we just went to get some fresh air,” Harry greeted.

  

Hermione just stood frozen, this was the first time she had seen Ron in weeks and now here he was interrupting a conversation all about him. She prayed he hadn’t heard any of it, and that she didn’t still look as if she had been crying and ranting. It took her a minute to realize that both men were staring at her expectantly.

  

“Huh? What?” She muttered dumbly wanting the ground to swallow her up for not being more articulate.

  

Ron seemed to be concerned by her reaction and frowned. “Are you Ok?”

  

She looked to Harry who grinned at her. “I’m fine Ron... are you... ok...I mean...erm... did you come here alone?” she blurted out and berated herself for doing so without tact, but she was curious to know whether he’d brought the girl he was seeing with him.

  

He seemed confused by her question. “What? Who would I...Oh! You mean Karen...from the Ministry.  Harry must have told you...” He paused to turn away from Hermione’s view and give Harry a very private but very fierce glare. He turned back to Hermione and reverted back smoothly to his softer self. “....uh actually we aren’t really seeing each other anymore....”

  

“Oh right,” she said, trying to sound indifferent, but feeling that she hadn’t hidden her glee very well. 

  

They stared at each other for a little longer than necessary before they were interrupted by a shriek.

  

“Merlin...you’re not...it can’t be! Are you Harry Potter!?” Harry nodded sheepishly at the attractive blonde who had been walking past the club with a few other friends.

  

Her gaze swept over the trio and she stopped at Ron and her excitement reached a new level “Ron...Ron Weasley...you were in that magazine the other week!”

  

Ron seemed rather disturbed by this acknowledgment and did not know where to look, finally settling on nodding. 

  

“Would you come over to say 'hi' to my friends? They're all huge fans! We all bought a copy each of that magazine,” she added, suddenly bashful.

  

Ron seemed tormented between staying with his friends, and the group of girls waiting expectantly for him. “Ermm.” He looked to Harry for assistance, but he offered no guidance, and then to Hermione who was watching him to see what he would do.

  

“Just go, Ron, its fine we'll meet you inside,” Hermione explained softly.

  

Ron nodded, visibly relieved that he had been given the go-ahead and a clear instruction. He shuffled off leaving Hermione and Harry in his wake.

  

Harry looked to Hermione. “Come on let’s go in, he’ll only be a few minutes...” He touched her arm, intending to tug her a little as encouragement.

  

She pulled her arm away, her eyes on Ron with the girls. “I think I’ll just go home Harry... I have some amendments to make to my report on...”

  

“Hermione! Come on, you know he only went because you told him to!”

  

“I know Harry, but...I...” She was speechless for a second and her eyes welled up. “I, I'm totally out of my depth Harry...I mean look at him...”

  

They watched for a second as Ron made a joke and the girls surrounding him let their heads fall back as they laughed freely. His posture was calm and composed; his body was held confident in a way Hermione never remembered.

  

She turned quickly and kissed Harry on the cheek and disapparated.

  
   


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Hermione?! Hermione?!” 

 

His deep voice was practically making the walls of her modest flat vibrate. She groaned and rolled around in her bed, picking up her pillow, she laid her head on the cool sheet of her mattress and placed the pillow over her head. She didn’t want to face Ron this morning. It was a dreaded Saturday; the weekend, a day off, free time, all things that meant she _should_ be doing something sociable. She hated weekends. Usually she could get away unnoticed on weekends, Harry would pop in to see Ginny and they would normally go on a date somewhere. Ron would be working or helping out at the joke shop and she would only see him in the evenings at the Burrow where Molly often invited her for dinner. 

 

 This weekend seemed to be starting differently, her sudden disappearance from the club last night had caused her friends some concern and now they wanted to talk. Hermione was not averse to talking, but there was no way she could look at Ron and squirm under his scrutiny this morning, not after last night.

 

 She was happily ignoring him until her door banged open and Ginny came marching in. “Is there a reason why you’re ignoring my brother’s floo call?” She asked, her voice softening as she saw Hermione’s discomfort. “Hermione? I won’t let him in, I’m just worried about you.” 

 

Hermione sighed and lifted the pillow from her head and peered up at Ginny. Ginny just smiled at her. Ron’s persistent calls had stopped and Hermione assumed he had simply gotten fed up of getting no response.

 

 “Morning, sunshine?” Ginny asked her disgruntled friend. Receiving no response, she continued, “Is this about last night?”

 

 “Last night? Did something special happen last night?” Hermione asked, feigning ignorance with squinted eyes and an expression that was unlike any Ginny had seen Hermione make before. Hermione moved to get out of bed. 

 

Ginny sighed, raking one hand through her sheet of red hair. “Don’t play stupid, Hermione, it _really_ doesn’t suit you.”

 

 Hermione didn’t flinch at these words, but simply continued about her room, putting on her short blue robe and making her way to her dressing table. She stared at herself in the mirror trying to avoid looking at her waiting friend’s reflection. Her shoulders slumped as she realised Ginny wasn’t going to leave until she had explained. “Nothing happened last night, I just felt like going home, you know clubbing isn’t exactly my thing and...I was bored” 

 

Ginny rolled her eyes and responded simply with “Harry told me what happened.”

 

Hermione’s eyes widened a fraction and then she clenched her fists and let out a frustrated shriek, “Why must you two discuss me like that?! I left a night club early, it’s hardly a crime. Fine...so I left after watching Ron entertain a gaggle of girls...so what?” 

 

“Firstly, Harry told me because he was worried, and I live with you, so I was the obvious person to tell. Secondly, give us some credit, it’s not leaving the club early that we’re worried about, it’s the thinking Ron’s too good for you or that Ron’s gonna cop off with some random blonde! Thirdly, from what I’ve been told, Ron wasn’t entertaining a ‘gaggle’ of girls as you put it, he was saying ‘Hi’ because you told him he could!” 

 

Hermione held her hands up in surrender, “Ok ok, fine, that’s fine. You don’t need to worry, ok? I’m fine.” 

 

“Really? So what are your plans this weekend?”

 

 Hermione sighed and pretended to be thinking over her extensive plans for the weekend. “Well, my parents have invited me to lunch so I’ll probably be there for most of the day and into the evening, and then I’ll come back here and have a glass of wine and go to sleep!” 

 

“Wrong! Your parents are away this weekend on that dentist convention thing! You told me last week, it’s on your calendar.” She was tapping her foot now waiting to hear what else Hermione would come up with. 

 

Hermione did not flinch or made any indication of having being caught out by Ginny. “Oh, of course! Lunch with my parents is _next_ week. Well that’s fabulous then because I have _loads_ of work to be catching up on, so I’ll probably just spend my day at the Ministry!”

 

 “Well that’s good, because Ron’ll be at the Ministry all day doing some extra training, I’ll go floo him and tell him to meet you for lunch!” She said brightly, and Hermione found it impossible to tell whether or not she was bluffing. She couldn’t risk it either way and stood up and followed her out to the living room.

 

 Ginny was reaching into the floo powder pot and getting ready to throw some in the fire to call Ron. 

 

 “Ginny, wait!” 

 

Ginny stopped, her arm frozen mid throw. The smirk on her face was clearly visible. “You need to stop this craziness, Hermione!”

 

 Hermione lowered her head in shame; she could feel her cheeks heating up. “I know,” she muttered. 

 

 She _did_ know, she knew she couldn’t spend every free minute at work, she knew that normal people didn’t dread weekends and look for ways to avoid seeing their friends. Her behaviour was baffling even to her, but she didn’t know how to change it. The thought of spending time watching Harry and Ginny be the perfect couple and being near Ron, but only as a friend, filled her with dread. What filled her with even more dread was the thought of Ron talking about some girl he’d met or an owl from said girl being delivered to him in her presence. A vision of rolled up pink parchment wrapped in shiny silver ribbon with wafts of some sweet perfume being dropped into Ron’s lap frightened her.

 

 Her thoughts were interrupted by Ginny’s arm wrapping around her shoulders, guiding her to the soft, cream sofa. “Let’s say you and I go shopping? Come on, a big girly day shopping for clothes and eating lunch. It’s been ages since we did anything together. I’ve missed you.” Ginny’s eyes twinkled with an enthusiasm that was infectious and Hermione found herself nodding in agreement.

 

 Suddenly Hermione felt very touched, happy and guilty at the same time. Just because she wanted to avoid Ron she had ended up avoiding Ginny too, and really she hadn’t meant to do that. “I'd love to, Ginny.”

 

 Ginny stood up “Great! Let’s get dressed and go. Oh, by the way, Mum invited us all to the Burrow for dinner.” 

 

She began making her way to her room. Hermione look up from her seat on the sofa “Us? Who do you mean by ‘us’?”

 

 Ginny ignored her, walking to her bedroom, humming.  

* * *

 Hermione had forgotten how to have so much fun. At the beginning of their day she had badgered Ginny about who would be attending dinner at the Burrow that evening, but she soon found herself laughing and getting excited by all the shops and clothes. Lunch was great and all serious topics were avoided.

 

By evening, Hermione had spent hundreds of galleons and felt thoroughly relaxed and calm. They had just dropped into their flat to put their bags away. “Gin, you know I’m absolutely exhausted after that, in fact, I feel a headache coming on...I think I’ll just stay...” 

 

“- Oh, no you don’t!” Ginny exclaimed and held onto Hermione’s arms and before she could utter a word Ginny had apparated them both to the Burrow.

 

 As soon as their feet hit the wooden floors of the Burrow, Hermione wrenched her arm free and crossly stomped away from Ginny who was being greeted by Harry. She made her way to the kitchen to find Molly, Arthur and George all in the middle of various tasks preparing dinner. She breathed a sigh of relief that Ron wasn’t there and she also couldn’t hear him. Sweet relief flooded through her, she wouldn’t have to face Ron, wouldn’t have to have him look at her and wonder why she had left last night. Maybe he would feel sorry for her and her pathetic life and her complete social ineptness. Either way she didn’t want to deal with it. 

 

“Hermione?” Her heart froze for a second upon hearing the deep voice, thinking for a split second that it was Ron. She relaxed when her brain registered that it was Harry. She turned to face him and moved out of the kitchen so that they were relatively distanced from the others. 

 

“Hey,” She greeted him softly. “Ginny said you two had fun today, I heard you made a serious dent in your Gringotts account!” He said with a smile. Hermione was relieved that he didn’t immediately reprimand her for leaving last night.

 

 She giggled. “Yeah, it was fun. You were right, I’ve been neglecting you guys,” she stopped, noticing he was staring at her expectantly. “What?”

 

 “...And? You also realised something...about Ron?” he asked dragging his words out thinking she would interrupt him with the realisation.  

 

“Oh, right, _that_ , well, no actually, Harry. I need to sort out my priorities but nothing about the Ron thing has changed, ok? I still think he’s better off with some gorgeous model type!” Their whispered conversation in the hallway was suddenly interrupted.

 

 “Oh, Ronnie, you’re finally here! Why are you so late dear? Was it work? I’m going to have to talk to Kingsley about keeping you at the Ministry until such ridiculous hours!” Molly’s gushing voice was heard by Hermione and her words struck her like a bullet. 

 

Her eyes widened in horror as Harry watched her, amused. “Oh, no,” she muttered, _he was here, oh great_. 

 

“Hermione! Glad you’re here. You know I really would like to know where you ran off to last night, I mean I turned around and you were gone! Harry said you had been feeling sick, is everything alright?” His blue eyes bore into hers imploringly and she felt herself melt.   

 

She felt stupid, all day she had been panicking about seeing Ron, thinking he would have sensed her jealously, but here he was, the concern for her evident in his eyes. It was after this thought that she realised she still hadn’t answered his question and was simply gazing at him like a love sick puppy. Oh, God, why was she always reduced to an illiterate puddle of goo whenever he was around?

 

 Harry, _God love him_ , must have sensed her discomfort or had watched her acting like a love sick fool and decided to save her. “Yeah, well, Hermione’s still feeling a bit dodgy, aren’t you?” He was looking at her, urging her to speak. 

 

She only nodded dumbly. Ron smiled, and then lifted a hand to touch her forehead, “Well, you do feel a bit warm.” 

 

“Who’s warm, dear?” Molly’s voice trilled as she came into the room. Looking over to Hermione she tilted her head sympathetically and held her arm walking her to the kitchen. “Oh, Hermione dear, you’re not ill, are you? Honestly, with all those hours you’re putting in at the Ministry I’m not surprised.  I mean, I know you practically run Magical Law, but you need to take a break. I’m going to talk to Kingsley...” She rambled on the way she often did and Hermione couldn’t help loving her for it but felt the same alarming helplessness she always did when Molly fawned over her like this.

 

 She could practically see Harry and Ron grinning and could sense them as they watched her walking with Molly. “Honestly, Mrs. Weasley, that really isn’t necessary...”

 

 “Hush, dear! Don’t say another word!” Hermione felt too helpless to say anything and simply sat at the table as the others began to gather around.  “Ron’s the same, always at the Ministry but at least with him, dear, it’s because he’s always following some girl around!” 

 

Hermione felt her body tense. 

 

Ron glared at his mother angrily, “No I don’t!” 

 

“Oh, of course you don’t, Ronald! _They_ follow _you_ around! I have to say, after that ‘Playwitch’ cover....-” 

 

“ _Mum,_ ” His tone had a deadly hint of warning in it, but Molly paid it no attention as she began piling food onto everyone’s plates. 

 

“Oh, Ron, don’t be so modest! The amount of fan mail he’s been getting! _Bags_ of it! It’s all in his old room!” She seemed positively thrilled at this, and sat down beaming at him, the pride evident on her face. Her expression then transformed into a frown, “But I don’t want all this attention to go to your head, Ronald. I mean that woman that we caught sneaking out this morning. You know I can’t condone that sort of behavior.” She continued to speak but Hermione couldn’t hear what she was saying.

 

 Molly continued on and did not notice Harry’s awkward posture, Ginny’s concerned looks towards Hermione, Ron’s intense discomfort, or Hermione’s heart breaking.     

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: I’m really sorry that I have taken so long to write and upload a new chapter! The only reason I have is that I have a terribly demanding job which does not leave me much free time! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Mandy x  


* * *

  
******************

  
The rest of dinner was an awkward affair. Hermione was surprised by the way her body was reacting; her heart was beating furiously and there was a lump in her throat. Her attempts to appear normal and unaffected were thwarted by her struggle to eat her food which felt like chewing cotton balls. She was having issues with swallowing it and she was receiving worried looks from Ginny and Harry.  
  


  
Hermione just wished that dinner would be over so she could rush home.   
  
She was brought out of her thoughts by Mrs. Weasley.  
  
“Dessert, Hermione dear?”  
  
“Oh no, Mrs. Weasley, I really must be going I’ve got an early start tomorrow...” she replied standing up, ready to leave.  
  
“Oh well...” Mrs Weasley looked disappointed but then her expression brightened “I know...I’ll pack some apple pie for you to take home...just give me a minute, dear.”   
  
Hermione watched in despair as Mrs. Weasley took her time putting away the dinner things, afterward informing her that the apple pie needed another 15 minutes in the oven. “I’m just going to wait outside, I’m a little hot in here,” she addressed the table and left the kitchen while trying to avoid eye contact with anyone.  
  
She stepped outside and breathed the fresh air deeply; feeling the lump in her throat diminish slightly. Her mind was free to tumble over the thoughts running through her head. It was now as good as confirmed that Ron was seeing someone, as in shagging someone. Who was this girl? There was probably more than one. She let out a laugh, why should she be surprised that Ron was sleeping around? Ron was gorgeous. After he had been in ‘Playwitch’ magazine all the girls at the Ministry asked after him. Was it really a surprise that Ron had taken one, or more, of them up on their offer? She sighed sadly and considered her life.  
  
Ginny burst out of the Burrow at that moment ruining Hermione’s moment of contemplation which was probably a good thing.  
  
“Hermione! It’s freezing out here! Come back inside!”  
  
“I think I’m a bit feverish then, because I can’t feel it,” she replied, shaking her head while trying to avoid Ginny’s inquisitive glance.  
  
“Look, Mum doesn’t know what she’s talking about half the time...”   
  
Hermione waited for Ginny to finish her sentence, but she never did. By the look on Ginny’s face it seemed as though she didn’t believe her own words. “Your mother doesn’t have hallucinations, Ginny. If she says she saw a girl leave Ron’s bedroom in the early hours of the morning, then I’m pretty sure that’s what happened,” she gave Ginny a pointed look, daring her to make another excuse.  
  
Ginny looked away and down at her feet. “Do you want me to curse him? ‘Coz I would, you know? You only have to say the word and I’ll throw a hex that-”  
  
Hermione held up her hand. “Ginny...it’s fine. I’m fine. Look, I knew Ron was seeing some girl at the Ministry, he told me they broke up but he was obviously just lying to me....It’s not that big a deal, ok?”  
  
“Well you’re acting like it’s a pretty big deal.”  
  
“It was just a shock, but really, I should have expected it. Ron’s a man in his sexual prime. Of course he wants to go out and get laid, what guy doesn’t?”  
  
Ginny looked as if she was going to say something but Hermione carried on, “And who am I to stop him? I mean, so what if I’ve got a little ‘thing’ for him. It shouldn’t stop him from living his life. He’s amazing. He deserves all the attention he’s getting, and he deserves what I can’t give him,” she finished sadly. Her voice contained a tremble which was on the brink of turning into a full fledged sob.  
  
“Oh, Hermione,” Ginny said softly, and moved to put her arm around her friends shoulders.  
  
Hermione shook her head and shrugged off Ginny’s embrace. “No, don’t give me sympathy! I read into the ‘thing’ we had more than Ron did, I guess. It’s my own stupid fault!” This time her words were broken by sobs.  
  
“No, Hermione, you’ve got this all wrong. Ron does want you,” Ginny’s voice was laced with deep concern, her eyes wide and pleading.  
  
“Maybe he used to, but we’re not the same people anymore. He’s grown into a man, and I’m the same brainiac I always was.”  
  
“He fell in love with that brainiac.”  
  
“He never loved me. In fact, I’m beginning to question whether he had any romantic feelings for me at all. Maybe I imagined the whole thing because I wanted him so badly?” She rubbed her hands tiredly over her face. “Is your mum ready with that pie yet? I want to go home.”  
  
“I’m coming home too.”  
  
“I thought you wanted to stay with Harry for a bit longer?”  
  
“Yeah, well, I’d rather go home with you. I don’t want you to be alone. This ‘thinking you’re not good enough’ thing is scaring me, Hermione.”  
  
Hermione looked at Ginny surprised, “I didn’t mean to scare you, Gin.”  
  
Ginny took Hermione’s hand in hers and smiled kindly, “Look, Hermione, it’s scaring me because this isn’t like you.”  
  
If Hermione was being honest, she was scaring herself as well. Since the war, she had been busy nonstop; first, with Fred’s funeral, then with bringing her parents back from Australia and finally with interviews and starting a career.   
  
For the past four months she had been working on drafting the laws for the equal treatment of house elves. She had cocooned herself in work, blocking out worries about Ron and forcing herself to focus on what was in front of her. It was a tactic that had helped her revise when she was at Hogwarts. It was what made her different from her classmates who became distracted by their love lives or daily worries and found it difficult to concentrate. Hermione was the opposite, she could effectively block out her worries as long as she had some work to be getting on with. Her mind was powerful and needed constant stimulation. As long as she kept it occupied, it was unlikely to stray and start thinking about Ron. However, since she finished drafting the new legislation her mind was free to roam, it was as if dams had broken and all she could do was face reality.  
  
“Hermione, dear? Here’s that pie,” Mrs. Weasley had her head popping out from the kitchen door, her arm holding out a dish. “Such a shame you have to leave so early, you will try and pop ‘round more often, won’t you, now that work’s a bit quieter?”  
  
Hermione tried to compose herself a little, Mrs. Weasley could be exceptionally sharp sometimes and Hermione did not want her to catch onto the slight tremble in her voice. “Oh, thank you, Mrs. Weasley.  Yes, of course I’ll try to pop ‘round more often. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to recently.”   
  
“I’m going too Mum. I...erm...I have a head ache,” Ginny explained.  
  
Mrs. Weasley looked bewildered for a moment. “Oh...ok then. I guess it’ll just be me and the boys. No doubt they’ll be pestering me for more food.  I’ll see you girls soon then.”  
  
They said their goodbyes and disapparated on the spot. Mrs. Weasley entered the Burrow feeling slightly baffled by the hasty exits & wondered if it had been something she’d said.  
  


 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Ron and Harry spent the rest of the evening at the Burrow, the tension which had been evident at dinner was now absent between the two friends. They sat in a companionable silence watching the TV that Hermione had charmed and her parents had given to the Weasley family as a Christmas gift last year; a gift the Weasley’s had been absolutely intrigued by and Arthur had immediately attempted to disassemble with the intention of ‘putting it back together’ again.

 

It was only when an hour had passed by that it occurred to Harry that neither of the girls had returned. He had been concerned by Hermione’s behavior since Molly’s comment at dinner but hadn’t known how to broach the subject with Ron.

 

“So erm…your mum dropped a bit of a bombshell at dinner didn’t she?” 

 

Harry could see Ron tense slightly and unconvincingly try to appear unaffected by the question. He ran a hand through his mop of red hair and stifled a yawn. “What do you mean, mate?”

 

“Well…you know, the whole girls leaving your bedroom thing? It was a bit of a revelation to be honest, mate. You never said you were serious with anyone.” He attempted to make eye contact with Ron who was quite obviously avoiding his gaze.

 

Ron shrugged his shoulders and peered sheepishly at Harry, meeting his eyes for the first time. “It wasn’t anything serious Harry.”

 

“Then what was it?” He was surprised by Ron’s straightforward admission as he had anticipated that Ron would be more secretive.

 

“It was sex, Harry, I don’t know…what do muggles call it? A one night stand? That’s all it was.”

 

Harry was quite surprised that Ron was having one night stands. He knew Ron better than anyone else, and no matter how other people perceived him, Harry felt that Ron held rather traditional ideas about women and romance. His suggestion that Hermione was a ‘scarlet’ woman because of the rumors about her seeing Viktor Krum and then Harry during fourth year was just one example. Ron hadn’t grown up watching TV and seeing films where more modern attitudes towards dating and sex were widely tolerated. He was traditional in every sense of the word, and yet, here he was admitting to having slept with some girl with whom he was not even in a relationship with. And in the Burrow of all places right under his mother’s watchful eye! It was almost like he wanted to be caught.

 

“What do you mean ‘that’s all it was’?”

 

“Exactly what I said!” Ron’s face was beginning to heat up, and Harry was aware that if he didn’t redirect from this chain of questioning, Ron was likely to explode. Despite this awareness Harry soldiered on.

 

“…But Ron, this is _you_ , you’re not the type of guy who sees girls for ‘just sex.’”

 

“God you’re painting a really pathetic picture there, Harry! Why don’t you tell me what _type_ of guy I am, eh?!”

 

Harry considered the question, but found himself lost for an answer. In truth Ron never really had another type of view towards girls. He wasn’t like Seamus and Dean who were always eyeing up pretty girls and making rude comments. He didn’t flirt with girls or share his fantasies with his friends.  As far back as Harry could remember, Ronald Weasley was the kind of boy who was in love with one girl. So eyeing up other girls or saying he would like to shag any of them was out of the question because the girl he was eyeing up and would really have liked to shag was right there, in his circle of friends. 

 

Ron stared at him intently, and eventually broke the silence. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’m the kind of bloke who was in love with Hermione.”

 

Harry remained silent, he did not wish to confirm nor deny the inevitable truth.

 

Ron continued. “I’m right aren’t I? That’s what everyone thought, all through Hogwarts. I was just the pathetic loser who was stuck on one girl who wouldn’t give him the light of day.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs, his palms rubbing his eyes.

 

For one fleeting moment, Harry thought Ron might be shedding a tear but he released a sigh of relief when Ron looked up dry eyed.

 

Harry nodded. “Yeah, I suppose that’s what I did think, but you’re acting like it’s a bad thing and it’s not.”

 

Ron stood up and walked to the mantle and began perusing the many photos that were proudly displayed there. His voice was softer this time around and Harry felt they had moved away from the infamous ‘danger zone’ that was Ron’s brewing temper. 

 

“I never thought much of it in Hogwarts, I was in love with Hermione and that was that. I didn’t _want_ any other girl and I didn’t have any desire to join in on conversations about who the fittest girls in the castle were. To me, Hermione would always come out number one so I kept quiet. At the beginning it drove me mad, but I was young, I thought I’d grow out of it, stop being so into her.” He turned to look at Harry and shrugged. “It just got stronger and stronger, then when it got so strong and I knew, I just _knew_ that it wasn’t something temporary, I noticed her reciprocating the feelings. You know, during the horcrux hunt. Everything had changed, and I suddenly thought, well actually, I _knew_ that she felt the same. Turns out I didn’t know anything at all.”

 

“I don’t get what you mean, Ron. Nothing’s changed since then.”

 

Ron eyes drifted over the various frames and stopped on a photo of the trio, specifically at Hermione’s smiling face. “Course it has,” his voice was almost hoarse. “I…I thought something would happen and it never did, and I’m sick of waiting for her and, Harry, actually, I’m sick of feeling this way! I’m sick of being in love with and actually feeling _hopeful._ Sometimes when we’re together and I feel a little spark, something, a moment, I cling onto that, I have hope that something more will happen. Then two weeks pass and I don’t hear from her.” His voice was trembling now, and Harry was positive this time that there were tears in Ron’s eyes. Through a clenched jaw he continued to speak. “ _She,_ ” He said almost viciously, his eyes darting to Hermione’s face in the photo frame, “doesn’t love me and she never will, but I can’t seem to stop myself from loving her and I hate it Harry, I don’t want to feel this way anymore…”

 

Harry didn’t quite know what to say, he had not been expecting to hear that. He slowly started to stand up. “Ron…I…” He paused trying to gather his thoughts and say something remotely helpful deciding that honesty was the best policy. “Hermione does love you, but she has reasons…reasons that I don’t understand, and they’re stopping her from being straight with you.”

 

Ron shook his head, “What’s stopping her? Here I am wearing my heart on my sleeve, being available for her, always for her!” He began to pace. “I melt when I see her Harry, it’s like she could ask me to do anything and I’d do it, but I’m angry at her too, angry that she doesn’t feel the same way.”

 

“…and what are you doing about it? I mean…how is shagging truck loads of random women going to help?”

 

“I thought it might invoke some other feelings, maybe I’d feel some attraction, or some affection for the women I sleep with, but I don’t. I never meant for her to find out.”

 

“Well she has, and I have no doubt that she’s heartbroken!”

 

“Well good! She can finally feel a fraction of what I’ve had to feel!”

 

Harry shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”

 

Ron groaned in despair. “No! of course I don’t…I just…I don’t know what to do, I just want to be able to have her and if I can’t have her I want to be able to move on, get on with my life, get a girlfriend…be normal…” His voice cracked a little and he finally sat down in a heap.

 

Harry suddenly felt for his friend. It was true that since the war Ron had been quite obvious with his feelings with Hermione. He would always pop over to her flat and fuss over her if she was working too hard or if she fell ill. He was always proud of her accomplishments, especially when she was on the cover of _The Daily Prophet_ when her act for werewolf rights passed. Maybe Hermione had failed to notice this because there had been stuff going on with her parents and her career. As he watched Ron’s despair, Harry hoped that his friends hadn’t missed their divine timing altogether.

 

 

 

 


End file.
